


On Rainy Nights, Sleep Tight.

by orphan_account



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Rain, idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:26:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On these nights, Ian wraps his arm around Mickey’s waist, pressing his torso to Mickey’s back, spooning him. Sometimes, he stays quiet but usually he buried his head in Mickey’s neck and starts whispering things, lips brushing Mickey’s neck, “It’s okay, Mickey. Everything’s good now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Rainy Nights, Sleep Tight.

There’s something about the rain – something pure. The way it feels on your fingertips at first and the on your whole body. It washes away the dirt away from your body, and the tears down your face and the blood of your knuckles for hitting someone so hard, it broke your skin. You feel clean, like a new person. It’s like being reborn again, with a new body and a new heart. The thing is, the rain can’t never reach the heart and you’re left standing under the rain, your skin soaking wet, wishing that it could wash you completely away but _“please don’t wash me away.”_

 

The earliest memory of Mickey about the rain took action in the Milkovich house of terrors.

 

Mickey was about five. It was the first night of rain that summer and, after a while, it was the first peaceful night Mickey ever faced during that time. The rain fell hard on the rooftop of the house, loud enough that, with the help of thunder, the sound blocked away any evidence of fighting between his parents that usually, desolated Mickey in another sleepless night. That night, Mickey doesn’t remember screams, he doesn’t remember his mother’s sobs, and he doesn’t remember anything but the sound of rain and thunder. Maybe it was there, the evidence of a drunk, crazy fight, and maybe it was loud enough to reach his ears but he didn’t pay any attention to it concentrating his thoughts on the rain and the sounds it made. That night, for the first time all summer, Mickey slept like a baby.

 

Now, on rainy nights, he can’t sleep, thunder makes him jump and lighting makes him flinch. He doesn’t remember how he ended up like this and he doesn’t remember what’s worse: to remember or not. Because he’s not a fucking pussy and anyone he meets figures that out within seconds. He can’t help but feel terrified of the thought that, something as natural as the rain, scares the shit out of him. He can’t think, he can’t breathe, he can’t move, he can’t feel and he can’t sleep. He can’t explain it, it’s something bigger than him, stronger. And Mickey can’t fight it because he feels like the rain would wash him away, because he’s weak and soft now. He’s so afraid he wishes it would wash him away but _“oh please don’t steal me away from him.”_

 

It used to be Mandy the one terrified about the rain. It was extreme, to the point that she cried and thunder made her scream louder than humanly possible. When she cried, Mickey always thought of the possibility that Mandy was under the rain, he thought of every possibility to explain her wet face other than the fact that she was scared or that she was sad. But the rest of her body was dry enough to know that those weren’t rain drops – she was still dirty. She used to go to Mickey’s room, door unlocked because on rainy nights, he was invincible and his parents didn’t exist, so there was no need to lock the door on those nights. She would curl up next to Mickey, poke him till he woke up and whisper _“I’m scared.”_ Mickey just looked at her and head towards the window and motion Mandy to sit next to him, while opening the window no more than 10 seconds before closing it down and looking down at a now wet Mandy once more before saying _“You’re a new person now, clean.”_

Mandy never question his actions, maybe she was too tired or too young, but she always followed his lead and just nodded at him forming a weak smile now and then.

Those nights Mandy slept on Mickey’s bed and those nights were the only ones when he didn’t complain.

 

Now, Mickey guesses, being next to Ian makes the rainy nights more bearable. Like he used to do with Mandy.

 

On these nights, Ian wraps his arm around Mickey’s waist, pressing his torso to Mickey’s back, spooning him. Sometimes, he stays quiet but usually he buries his head in Mickey’s neck and starts whispering things, lips brushing Mickey’s neck, _“It’s okay, Mick. Everything’s good now.”_ But Mickey can’t understand how it can be “okay” if he can’t remember what’s supposed to be “good” now or why he has become this way. Why his only allied on the bad days turned against him and why he isn’t strong anymore as he used to be with Mandy. Mickey doesn’t express any of this though, because Ian’s there and he loves him and he’s trying to make him feel better and that’s everything Mickey could ever ask for.

 

 _“You’re shaking.”_ Ian’s voice is soft, almost calmly, but Mickey notices that is laced with concern and Mickey feels guilty for making Ian worry so much.

_“I always shake when it rains, Gallagher, you know that.”_

_“Yeah, but you always stop when I hold you and you haven’t… Fuck, I’m just worried about you.”_ Ian’s voice breaks at the last sentence and Mickey turns around because he has to see his boyfriend and assure him that he’s okay and _fuck._ Ian eyes are watering and Mickey can’t help but wonder why he has never seen his boyfriend like this before, but then remembers that, he’s actually never turned around before, never seen Ian’s face when they’re like this. This is probably something that happens every time is raining and is impossible for Mickey to feel guiltier than he is now.

He leans forward to kiss Ian, soft and gentle and he wants it to last forever. Mickey’s hand moves up and down Ian’s arm till it finally settles in Ian’s neck and he deepens the kiss. Ian’s arm is around Mickey’s body holding him tight, like he’s afraid he might disappear and there’s no way he can’t let that happen; the rain can’t wash him away.

After minutes of making out, Mickey pulls away. They’re both breathing heavily, but Mickey doesn’t wait to even his breathing before murmuring _“I’m fine.”_ And snuggling closer to Ian, burying his head in his chest. Ian’s still breathing hard as he pulls Mickey impossibly closer.

 _“I’m just worried about you.”_ He says in Mickey’s hair and Mickey is crying now. He can’t stop. He can’t remember why he is like this and he can’t do anything about it.

 _“I’m sorry.”_ Mickey starts slowly at first but then its like he’s stuck in a loop and he’s crying the words over and over again.

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”_

Mickey’s getting dirty all over Ian but Ian won’t let him go, he just holds Mickey tighter, caressing his hair to let him know that he’s there. To let him know he won’t let the rain steal Mickey away from him.

Mickey snaps out of it after what it seems hours, but he finds himself in the same position as before and can’t help but wonder if it were just minutes. Ian notices the silence immediately and quickly shifts around to look into Mickey’s eyes and Mickey notices they are red and puffy and realizes Ian has been crying too.

 _“Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.”_ His voice quivers and just Mickey nods, lays his head on Ian’s chest and murmurs something. It was barely hearable, but Ian hears it and, like Mickey, wonders what the fuck happened to Mickey’s life for him to react this way.

 

_“I’m a new person, clean.”_

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic and its kind of weird and doesn't make much sense but keep this things in mind:
> 
> \- I can't write for shit  
> \- English is not my native language  
> \- I wrote this in less than an hour  
> \- this is the result of 2am thoughts, google translate and a shitty grammar checker. 
> 
> But like, I really hope you like it? 
> 
> tumblr: http://feelingshameless.tumblr.com/


End file.
